Thanksgiving

November 18, 2007
Wow, a whole week off! Now that's a reason to give thanks for the holiday. I still have restless dreams filled with teaching anxiety and wake up at 6:00 a.m. - my mind racing with all the things I need to get done which makes it impossible to sleep in on these days I have off. It's different, too, while my wife and daughter are away. She's been on the road for the past week with her Celtic band. So, without the incentive of someone to come home to, I find myself staying later at school and going to bed later at night. I do get more work done, but I know I need to look after my well-being.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I am so grateful for all the support from my friends and family. Your encouragement and reassurance that I am doing the right thing is immensely uplifting and empowering. There is so much uncertainty in teaching and yet so much that is expected of my performance, it's easy to feel like I "carry the weight of the world on my shoulders". Every morning, Kathy wakes up just enough to give me a hug and say, "One day at a time", and sometimes she'll send me text messages while I'm teaching with words of endearment or humor that can have a profound affect on my attitude and presence.

When we parted ways last Monday for this week-and-a-half apart, I felt more emotional than I have for a long time. Partly because I'll be missing my wife and daughter, but it also occurred to me just how much I've depended on their love and support to get me through this challenging time in life. I don't know if or how I could survive this experience without them. I feel like an egg sometimes. I know I have a "soft" heart and feel sensitive inside, but it requires a very hard shell to protect myself in front of all the students who will take advantage of any weakness they find in a teacher. They definitely try to push one's buttons and test my limits, but once I "crack", it's all over.

Well, I better make use of my time now. So, here's to wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving along with ladles full of my gratitude for all the ways each of you has reached out and offered support to people like me in times of need and uncertainty - with many happy returns.


Gobble Gobble!

Two Weeks

November 9, 2007
Well, I'm still surviving one day at a time, but most things are running smoothly so far. I'm fortunate to have an especially supportive department that meets every day during lunch to share ideas on lessons and strategies for classroom management. My teaching coach meets with me for an hour each week and is really knows his stuff. There are so many technicalities/legal details to know about teaching as well as diplomatic ways of relating with students and parents, I feel like he may as well be my lawyer and confidential sounding-board. So, no matter how overwhelmed, stressed or disillusioned I may get, it's reassuring to know I'm not alone.

That said, I am still struggling to pull in the reins on these classes that have been running wild since the beginning of the year. I'm gaining respect and appreciation from those who obviously want to learn, but there's always that challenge of engaging those who could care less about science or school all together. They seem to do all they can to prevent a teacher from conducting the class so that they don't have to do any work. Looking at their grades for the first quarter, though, it's obviously affecting them personally. Every day, I've tried a different strategy to get their attention, make lessons more dynamic, and impose more consequences or rewards for their behavior.

At the end of the first week, I took a seat and let out an enormous sigh. I opened the blinds next to my desk (which are usually closed to prevent distractions to students) and found a beautiful scene before me. My room is on the edge of campus, looking across a grassy field and a stream that runs perpendicular to the building. A great white heron was perched on the bridge across the stream, and the setting sun was illuminating the majestic Mount Diablo in the near distance. According to a sign at the summit, it is possible to view the second greatest surface area seen from any peak in the world, exceeded only by the 19,340 foot (5,895 m) Mount Kilimanjaro in Africa. Nice conversation piece for Earth Science.

I suddenly felt filled with peace and purpose that I haven't found in any other position since I left Mammoth Lakes 8 years ago. Finding this teaching opportunity feels like a spiritual connection - one that was created just for me and that I was guided to apply for just at the right moment. After all the years I talked about wanting to become a teacher and throughout the process of earning my masters, there was always a certain doubt whether it would actually happen. It wasn't until this very moment that I was struck with such excitement and disbelief, realizing I finally made it!